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1108
1109

happy hart day from Heavy (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by nomdeweb

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[–]BDS_UHS 283 points284 points ago

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Roses are RED

Violets are BLU

Sandvich and I

Are coming for you!

[–]MrBound 143 points144 points ago

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Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

Don't worry, fat man,

I'm right behind you.

[–]S7evyn 226 points227 points ago*

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Mhhmm hm hud,

Hhuhuhh hh huu,

Hhhmm hmrrhhm hhh,

Hhrrhh hrrrm huuu!

[–]MrBound 173 points174 points ago

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Roses are red,

And I never miss.

Now you're all yellow

And covered in piss.

[–]Robertjordanforever 100 points101 points ago

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Roses are red,

I have one eye,

I'll blow ya to bits

And then say "Buh-bye"

[–]war_whale 117 points118 points ago

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Arteries are red,

Veins they are blue,

Heavy's heart needs healing,

But mine's still for you.

[–]The_MAZZTer 74 points75 points ago

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Roses are red
Sentries sting
I told y'all not to
Touch that darn thing!

[–]war_whale 62 points63 points ago

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Bat marks are red,

Scattermarks too,

Hit the bricks, pal,

Or I will bonk you.

[–]canonymous 45 points46 points ago

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Roses are red!

Just like your blood!

Don't lose your head!

Or you'll die, maggot!

[–]war_whale 40 points41 points ago

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Teams are a group,

Of which I'm "another,"

Touch me with flames,

Or I'll **** your mother...

[–]CaptainMeowMeow 5 points6 points ago

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awww! <3

[–]aurthunderdrake 60 points61 points ago

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Roses are stupid,

Violet's are dull,

Oh hey, chucklenuts,

I just beat in your freakin' skull!

BOINK!

[–]T_squid 46 points47 points ago

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Team is RED,

Maggots are BLU,

When animals are together,

It's called a zoo

...Unless it's a farm

[–]rob132 4 points5 points ago

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I read that in an Australian accent.

[–]MrBound 7 points8 points ago

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Then I did my job well, mate.

[–]PriestmanX 1 point2 points ago

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Just like every valentines day ;)

[–]cynicalcheeto 7 points8 points ago

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That was really touching.

[–]CeeJayDK 29 points30 points ago

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That was really torching.
FTFY.

[–]CeeJayDK 1 point2 points ago

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Fire! Fire!

[–]Sve7en 1 point2 points ago

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Your name looks familiar...

[–]S7evyn 0 points1 point ago

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http://evn.wikia.com/wiki/S7evyn

[–]Sve7en 0 points1 point ago

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Ahhhh, very cool :) Not quite what I was going for though.

[–]NotManagore 2 points3 points ago

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Rainbows are red

Rainbows are blue

Rainbows are green

and they make me cry

[–]CeeJayDK -5 points-4 points ago

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Team is RED

Enemy is BLU

Sandvich and I

Are coming for you!
FTFY

[–]MrBound 463 points464 points ago

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ROSES ARE RED

GRASSES IS GREEN

PUSH LITTLE KART

AND BE CREDIT TO TEAM

[–]titanick 28 points29 points ago

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Flawless victory!

[–]attomsk 13 points14 points ago

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Bravo!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]N473 10 points11 points ago

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i think you'd be more popular if you said an item like only put 'desk' then we had to read you name to get the joke.

[–]nopokejoke 0 points1 point ago

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until now

[–]jadzzee 7 points8 points ago

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Back to the drawing board...

[–]Skullpuck 17 points18 points ago

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S-s-s-s-stolen from Poker Night at the Inventory. Good line though.

[–]MrBound 24 points25 points ago

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Seriously? The Heavy says this in Poker Night?

For the record, I haven't played Poker Night--he does say both "push little kart" and "credit to team" in various forms in TF2 proper, though.

[–]GypsySlayer 96 points97 points ago

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The heavy isn't stupid, it's been said before. He's just big and Slavic.

[–]Chachoregard 83 points84 points ago

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Has a phD in motherfucking Russian Literature and if Poker Night is to be considered as Canon, has a fetish for red-haired women.

[–]Atrioventricular 37 points38 points ago

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If he were to write a Russian poem, it would blow your fucking mind.

[–]Heavy_the_Poet 5 points6 points ago

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Розы цветок поражает своей краснотою,
Фиалки сиреневы, но для них нов этот цвет.
Что ж не даёт моему тяжкому сердцу покоя?
Знаю я: без тебя мне на свете спокойствия нет...

[–]AmbitionOfPhilipJFry 1 point2 points ago

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Rose flower is striking in its red,

Violet, lilac, but for them this new color.

Why does my grave heart rest?

I know: without you I do not have peace on earth

[–]Heavy_the_Poet 1 point2 points ago

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Roses are red,
Violets are blu,
Google Translate sucks,
Guess what I think about you.

[–]orange_jooze -1 points0 points ago

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Ахуеть.

[–]cybergeek11235 58 points59 points ago

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Who doesn't have a fetish for red-haired women? Yowza.

[–]darth_static 23 points24 points ago

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Redheads are just blondes that haven't had the fire fucked out of them yet.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

[–]jadzzee 0 points1 point ago

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Them bitches be crazy, son.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]CommentQualityRater 28 points29 points ago

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Digg Quality.

[–]OldTimeGentleman 3 points4 points ago

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I hope you, sir, have a long and awesome life in the business of novelty accounts.

[–]NeoSniper 19 points20 points ago

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I figured the comment in "meet the heavy" about men being able to out-smart him (but not bullets) was indicative that his character is not meant to be smart.

[–]Flandoo 27 points28 points ago

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe he says some think they can outsmart me.

[–]Zach_the_Lizard 37 points38 points ago

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"Some people think that they can outsmart me...maybe, sniff, maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."

[–]snorch 8 points9 points ago

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Link for the uninitiated.

All the TF2 "Meet the class" videos are great. The game really has a lot of character.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Heavy_the_Poet 4 points5 points ago*

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Да. Правы вы. 
         Докажу Я всем
                     снова и снова,

Что акцент иностранца
                череп
                     вовсе не жмет мне.

Впрочем, если 
       не хватит мне 
             веского 
               русского слова ,

Буду рад подкрепить его 
                    очередью
                        пулеметной.

And for my English friends, although this is not good, a translation:

Yes, you're correct. I'll prove again and again,
That my foreign accent [is not to be used as a measure of intellect].
Though, if Russian word not enough for this,
I'll gladly supplement it with my machine gun.

[–]Ingey 1 point2 points ago

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did they ever finish the one for the Medic and Pyro?

[–]snorch 2 points3 points ago

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I don't think so. I'm not sure they've even going to do them at this point.

[–]finalremix 10 points11 points ago

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Meet the Pyro:

Muffled screaming.

[TF2 theme sting]

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Subhazard 7 points8 points ago

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Do you know the difference between story and character?

[–]the_Madman -5 points-4 points ago

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It's hard to develop character without giving them a real story.

For me, the test of character would be: I/the Author/the developer/a character in the book/game tell you that, "Someone did [xyz]" (preferably something that didn't happen in the story, or that you weren't aware happened in the story) and you can immediately say, "Yep, that's [character] for sure."

Example: "Someone started a massive fight in the bar" --> "That's Han Solo". "Someone else in the same bar ran away timidly" --> "That's C3-PO".

For me, each character in these games certainly has their own mood and mannarisms, but they don't really have massively distinctive character. What we can prize of their character is pretty much what we see in the, "meet the class" videos. For example, what do you think the Medic is like? Is he timid, intelligent, determined, entheusiastic? Without a, "meet the class" video we don't really have much to go on.

[–]Subhazard 7 points8 points ago

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You can learn plenty about the medic from listening to him.

He's a sadistic bastard. His healing aspect is a side effect of all the pain he wants to cause.

All he wants to do is torture and kill.

[–]the_Madman 0 points1 point ago

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Hmm. I always considered him a very professional type, rather than manic/sadistic...

Then again, maybe I've not played the game enough... maybe its design leaves their character up to interpretation. I dunno.

[–]livefox 4 points5 points ago

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A character can have character even though a walk cycle. Good character development shows in the smallest actions, such as how they pick up something to drink. The meet the class videos are very good in this regard, they give a lot of insight into how the characters think, react, and work in general. However, listen strictly to their voices, their domination lines, etc. Watch their taunts in game. These all give away aspects of their character quite well. Story isn't totally necessary.

And for shits and giggles, there is a story. Valve has released several official comics and other things hinting at the backstory of TF2, though it is fairly minimal.

[–]the_Madman 0 points1 point ago

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I agree that story isn't totally necessary to develop character, but broadly speaking it's kinda helpful.

[–]awesomerobot 5 points6 points ago

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You said a whole lot there just to end up as wrong as you started.

[–]the_Madman -2 points-1 points ago

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Wow. The wisdom and insight of this comment is so inspiring.

Oh, wait, no, my mistake. Your comment was completely worthless.

[–]nateener 1 point2 points ago

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If you watch it in Russian, he's actually very well spoken.

[–]orange_jooze 0 points1 point ago

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You can't know that for sure. He sounds silly to me.

[–]GypsySlayer 0 points1 point ago

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It's a game so we're arguing about the dumbest thing possible, but this is the extract under "Meet the Heavy" video.

Like a hibernating bear, the Heavy appears to be a gentle giant. Also like a bear, confusing his deliberate, sleepy demeanor with gentleness will get you ripped limb from limb. Though he speaks simply and moves with an economy of energy that's often confused with napping,[b]the Heavy isn't dumb[/b], he's not your big friend, and he generally wishes you'd just shut up before he has to make you shut up.

[–]Futhermucker 60 points61 points ago

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The Heavy has a PhD in Russian Literature. He's not stupid, theres just a language barrier.

[–]farceur318 78 points79 points ago

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The language barrier makes rhyming difficult.

[–]Heavy_the_Poet 3 points4 points ago

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О, когда не стеснён я границами языка,

Пулемётным огнем летит на все стороны мысли порыв мой,

Но и он разбивается о несокрушимый барьер

Этой блядской английской рифмы.

[–]Seyen 1 point2 points ago

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Heavy is credit to Mother Russia! In white verse, too!

[–]orange_jooze 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, when I'm not bound by borders of language,
My inspiration flies in all directions like a machine gun fire,
Yet it still crashes against the indestructible barrier
Of that motherfucking english rhyme.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

[–]Heavy_the_Poet 1 point2 points ago

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You are correct :)

[–]Dolomite808 38 points39 points ago

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To be fair, he also talks to inanimate objects and makes a living killing people. So I wouldn't say he is entirely all there.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points ago

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The line between brilliance and insanity isn't very big...

[–]NotManagore 6 points7 points ago

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So it's a pinstripe?

[–]Zach_the_Lizard 11 points12 points ago

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The soldier also talks to dead people, so he's not all there either.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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No class is all there. They're all killers bred for eternal combat.

[–]square965 19 points20 points ago

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The sniper is totally all there. He snipes to make a living, and nothing more.

[–]nateener 11 points12 points ago

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Have a plan to kill everyone you meet

Nope. No crazy here.

[–]sTiKyt 6 points7 points ago

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What you don't?

[–]Futhermucker 1 point2 points ago

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[–]chaching37 0 points1 point ago

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We still don't know about the pyro.

[–]munchybot 1 point2 points ago

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I'm almost certain the pyro is the most insane one out of all of them. I mean, his name is Pyromaniac.

[–]Killfuck_Soulshitter 10 points11 points ago

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The pyro is a kind hearted humanist who cares deeply about each and every life he takes.

Nah, just kidding, he's a fire-crazed maniac.

[–]livefox 5 points6 points ago

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"What's that sandvich? Kill them all? Good idea!!"

He talks to his sandvich all the time in game. He might not be dumb, but he's not entirely there either.

[–]orange_jooze 0 points1 point ago

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He just feels lonely.

[–]SantiagoRamon 3 points4 points ago

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I don't doubt you, where did we find this out?

[–]Futhermucker 3 points4 points ago

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Poker Night

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points ago

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Violets are Red

Roses are Blu

If you open up Photoshop

And fuck with the hue

[–]Dazzaxoxo 67 points68 points ago

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ROSES ARE RED

VIOLETS ARE BLUE

I LIKE BIG GUNS

AND TEAM FORTRESS 2

[–]fap_de_oaid 41 points42 points ago

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Roses are RED,

Violets are BLU,

In soviet Russia,

SANDVICH EATS YOU!

[–]titanick 19 points20 points ago

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Roses are red,
Pyro is mean.
Heal me up medic,
I'm not on your team.

Ode to this video

[–]TheCrownedWolf 1 point2 points ago

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That is the most hilarious gameplay video I've ever seen! I wish I could upvote a million.

[–]rimo 45 points46 points ago

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Roses are red

Violets are blue

In Soviet Russia

Poem writes *YOU*!

[–]rube 22 points23 points ago

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"Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

That's what they tell me

Because I'm blind."

Still one of my favorite Far Side strips.

[–]rimo 2 points3 points ago

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I think the Antijoke will have a more powerful and heftier ending if you say something like this instead: "I lost my sight in a car accident."

[–]The_MAZZTer 2 points3 points ago

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Sometimes a simpler punchline is better. Unless you want an Antipunchline too, I guess.

[–]rube 1 point2 points ago

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Well it's not mine. I saw it in a Far Side collection book years ago and it still sticks with me.

I'm fairly sure it was at the beginning of the book where he put in a few that either he or someone else rejected.

I also learned in that book that the term "Dork" is slang for penis.

[–]SarcasmServedHere 0 points1 point ago

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Whale penis, to be exact. (I have the same book)

[–]Bloaf 10 points11 points ago

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For awesome videogame valentines, I have yet to see better than KOL: http://kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/Valentine_Poems

[–]soundjester 4 points5 points ago

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KISS ME!

[–]HaroldHood 2 points3 points ago

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Just started playing TF2. I GET THE JOKE!

[–]CeeJayDK 4 points5 points ago

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Sandvich is bread..

Meat and vegetable too.

Soon it be crumb..

Om nom, OM NOM NOM NOM!

[–]dulcifier 2 points3 points ago

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Hey! Heavy isn't stupid! There's just a language barrier.

[–]Jonmad17 3 points4 points ago

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Roses are red

violets are blue

I really, really want to fuck you.

Works every time

[–]tallwill514 9 points10 points ago

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Roses are red

Violets are blue

I am a ninja

Daisys are white

Robots Kill

I need groceries

You are a bread

I am love you

[–]ReKognito 2 points3 points ago

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Thanks for my new spray. Teeheehee

[–]CowboyBoats 2 points3 points ago

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Ooh, thanks for the inspiration. Just texted my brother and TF2 partner:

Roses are out, snapdragons are in,

I'm going to gut you like a Cornish game hen

[–]xenmate2 2 points3 points ago

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got Alzheimers, cheese on toast.

[–]MightyMrPlow 2 points3 points ago

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Rose are red, Violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic And so am I.

[–]mgh245 20 points21 points ago

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Herpity Derp

Derpity Herp

Herpity Derpity

Derpity Herp

[–]TheOldSpiceApproach 4 points5 points ago

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Oh look the text to half off the rage comics, how'd it get here?

[–]Iggyhopper 4 points5 points ago

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Brilliant!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]pokemonduck[!] 5 points6 points ago

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Then don't post it...

[–]Volopok 1 point2 points ago

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It's funny because i wrote a love letter to a sandwich today.

[–]bellemarematt 1 point2 points ago

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i read the blu and red as red and blue respectively because of the coloration, but i noticed how blu was spelled

[–]The_MAZZTer 0 points1 point ago

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I did this too, went back and yup... It didn't say Roses are Red like I thought it did.

It's a well known phenomena though so I don't feel too bad.

[–]EatBooks 1 point2 points ago

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Oh, Heavy. Stay...Heavy...ish.

[–]Liefx 1 point2 points ago

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Question: Why does every single comment only have 1 upvote in every thread on reddit?

[–]reztip 2 points3 points ago

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You automatically upvote your own links by default, I believe.

[–]Liefx 0 points1 point ago

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That wasn't the question. I am asking why every single comment in this thread only has one upvote. The past few days this has been happening. If you go into popular threads the top comments will have like 200 or so upvotes. Well now they all only have 1 upvote.

[–]Dagon 0 points1 point ago

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Give it another hour, dude.

[–]Liefx 0 points1 point ago

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What do you mean give it another hour? People you don't seem to be listening to me. EVERY POST ON REDDIT IS LIKE THIS. Go click on any submission on reddit. Every single one of the comments have only 1 upvote each. It has been like this for two days.

[–]Dagon 0 points1 point ago

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You were grammatically inexact... I thought you were referring only to this thread.

It's just you, hey. I can see loads of ups and downs in this thread alone.

[–]Liefx 0 points1 point ago

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Wtf... what's going on? To me every single person has 1 upvote. The odd one has like 5 upvotes but it's buried down at the bottom...

[–]aricene 2 points3 points ago

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Are you reading the comment list sorted by "new?"

[–]Liefx 1 point2 points ago

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facepalm yes

[–]jbird123 0 points1 point ago

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Haha, thanks for making me smile at your expense :P

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Oh you fool...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Heavy's grammar and sentence structuring is a bit awkward, but he never comes across to me as unintelligent.

[–]Deathmeister 1 point2 points ago

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Heart surgeons see red

Otolaryngologists see blue

Tonsolitis is no joke,

Now I will operate on you!

[–]picsandnsfwonly 1 point2 points ago

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roses are red

entire team is babies

[–]diMario 1 point2 points ago

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Roses are red

Violets are blue

One day I'll die

And so will you

[–]frolix8 1 point2 points ago

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ROSE'S BLUE

VIOLET'S RED

SANDVICH TASTED

LIKE THE TWO

  • Hannibal

[–]fockzhound 1 point2 points ago

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Anyone notice the strange brain freeze you may get reading that text?

The red "blue" and blue "red" is a freaky psyc phenomena known as the Stroop Effect.

[–]nanosheep 1 point2 points ago

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ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLU, MISSION BEGINS, IN 10 SECONDS

[–]thatsnogood 4 points5 points ago

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MEDIC!!

[–]jbird123 1 point2 points ago

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a knife Now get in the van.

Works every valentines day. And every other day of the year for that matter!

[–]cuddlyogre 0 points1 point ago*

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That's alot of Heavy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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synestesiaaaaa

[–]axilmar 0 points1 point ago

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Violates are blue, roses are red, I'd like to eat that burger even if it means I will be dead!

[–]finkalicious 0 points1 point ago

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No more rhyming now I mean it!

[–]mrtherapist 0 points1 point ago

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Blue is written red. Red is written in blue.

??????

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I'd give him such a cuddle for trying.

[–]PapaKilo 0 points1 point ago

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I wish my thumb could rhyme that well

[–]wtfil 0 points1 point ago

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Roses Blu, violets Red, Natascha is make you dead!

[–]theWitchHunter 0 points1 point ago

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Witchcraft!

[–]slighted 0 points1 point ago

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brilliant

[–]StaneNC 0 points1 point ago

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I reeeally feel like there shouldn't be the "is" in that.

[–]mijj 0 points1 point ago

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Roses are Red

And ready for Plucking

You're sixteen

And ready for High School

[–]Gaming_God 0 points1 point ago

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I hope his valentine makes him a sandvich. LOL

[–]chickenm4n 0 points1 point ago

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Rose RED Violets BLU I made you a sandvich... but i ated it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'll fuck you with a rake!

[–]Kijamon -2 points-1 points ago

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Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm schitzophrenic

And so am I

[–]TheyCallMeB -1 points0 points ago

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WTF?! This is where my boyfriend got the poem for my Valentines Day card?! He is so not getting anymore credit for being a good boyfriend.

[–]obened -1 points0 points ago

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Roses are I'm

Violets are going to

gut you like a

Cornish game hen.

[–]RobotUnicornAttack -5 points-4 points ago

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Roses Red Violet Blu This should be in a different subreddit And so should TF2

[–]han-shot-first -1 points0 points ago

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Some people think they can outsmart him... Maybe. Maybe...

He has yet to meet someone who can outsmart bullet.

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